I'm sitting at the bar that serves as my work desk, taking a moment to absent-mindedly trace the deep scars in the surface of the wood.
I'm replaying an imaginary conversation in which I respond to a customer's angry ranting online review. It's the same conversation I've been having in my mind and occasionally in my dreams for the past week.
My Trevor says I need to let it go.
I can't.
I just can't seem to release this feeling of indignation, of offense, that the best I could do was still not enough for this customer. Instead, the restless feeling of unresolved conflict winds its way around my thoughts and my heart and my stomach and makes it hard to find the waters of peace. It dries me out- I'm parched and rough, inflexible and brittle. Exposed.
It's a symptom. I know that this fire-in-my-veins restlessness comes from somewhere deeper, somewhere where my identity lies.
And I've spent long enough tracing the dry, old, worn out cattle paths in my mind to know where this trail comes from.
I have an unquenchable thirst for approval.
Being liked, or needed, or valued by other people drives so many of my decisions, so many of my behaviors. I don't handle it well when they (whoever they are... it really doesn't matter) are unhappy with me.
In all honesty, encouragement comes often- my boss gives me praise, my husband looks at me in that way that tells he's proud of me, customers come back rosy cheeked and happy.
It's a soft, sweet rain to my heart.
But it doesn't last.
It only takes one comment, one criticism, to wring me dry, to drain my cup empty.
And so I seek it- all the time, I seek the little drops of approval, always asking for more. Thirsty. And I wonder if it will ever be enough.
Jesus met a woman at a well- a women who never expected him to speak to her (but you know Jesus and what he did to expectations).
She lived a life of seeking- more, more, more. Never enough. She didn't belong, she didn't fit in. He knew her story, he knew her thirst.
Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” - John 4:10
To this woman who'd known only want, who'd known only survival, it seemed unlikely. We don't know her name, but we know she was a practical sort.
How can water quench forever, and how could this man draw it without a bucket?
She was looking for a way to skip her daily trip to the well, to take care of her physical, one-dimensional needs. Practical.
And I can't help but wonder if following Jesus is most attractive to me when it brings me into the good graces of other people. If I follow more willingly when it's practical.
When Jesus makes me acceptable, approved, then following is simple. I get what I want out of my faith, and nothing more. If he can take care of my one-dimensional need for people to like me, then I'm all set.
But Jesus wants more- more for the woman at the well, and more for me.
We tend to settle for less, but Jesus offers more.
Christ came so that we would have life- not just a scratched out desperate survival, but true life in this world and eternal life in the one to come.
He came so the woman at the well would know true love- unconditional and beautiful and with no strings attached.
Christ came so I would always have the final, eternal approval of God- undeserved, unconditional, unearned.
What does it matter what people think of me when I am seated at the table of the Creator?
He offers the waters that will never run dry.
He is the only solution for whatever it is we thirst for. More life, more love, more time, more approval... in him we are never desperate, never parched and empty.
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Thanks for this encouraging word. Stopping by from #RechargeWednesday
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ReplyDeleteI so often need this reminder. The women at the well had been rejected by her community and was at her lowest. Christ came to her and said I know what you need you don’t even have to ask. Her leaders had failed her and he was standing before her saying I won’t disappoint or leave you. He asks us to follow in his footsteps, he never claimed it would be easy, just that he would be with us all along the way. Keep your eyes focused on him and his approval, he loves us warts and all and that is all we need.
ReplyDeleteThanks for joining in at #FindingJoy linkup
Ally, this is beautiful. I wonder how often I too am driven by the need for human approval? Thank you for the encouragement to take an honest look at that need and to internalize the truth of my complete acceptance and approval by the only One whose approval really matters!
ReplyDeleteOh, the desire to be liked by people - even as a blogger, I want people to like my posts. But Jesus offers something so much deeper. His love and fellowship which never run dry no matter what's happening around us.
ReplyDeleteI love this story for so many reasons. I have heard many sermons come out of it. Each different and each as profound as the last. Isn't it amazing how God can use one story to teach us so many things?
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