Upward

I'm coming to the conclusion that I think about myself too much.

I'm not saying that I'm selfish (which, okay, true, but not the point of this post)... I'm saying that I put too much emphasis on me.

Whether I'm considering what I think about some controversial topic, or about what I should be doing differently in this relationship, or about my feelings being hurt by that comment, or what I need to get done around the house, I look inward so much more than I look outward.

So much more than I look upward. 





After all, what is my life, anyway?

What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.- James 4:14

I want the all the answers to my questions about life. I want to know that my plans will come to fruition. I want to control the outcomes of my projects, of my efforts, of my dreams.

Even after years of walking in this Christian thing, I still feel like I'm basically a newborn. I cry and demand and generally make a mess, and expect God to take care of me and love me no matter what (and, like the good loving Father He is, He does.) I don't really care who God is, as long as I get what I want.

For all this thrashing around, fighting against my human limits and my sinful attitudes, I really don't get very far. I'm busy telling God what I think He should do, how I think He should act... without seeking to know Him at all. I want to know why, not Who.


Meanwhile, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out who I am. Where I fit, where I belong. What I should be doing.



Maybe all those questions can be answered, not by spending hours looking in, but by learning and seeking and looking up. 

Maybe who God is makes a life-changing difference in my identity.

Maybe the character of God points to who I'm supposed to be.